Women going undiagnosed with ADHD is unfortunately very common. Many finally get the diagnosis later on in life, in their adult years, and for many that means getting a diagnosis while they are in their motherhood journey.
AHDH mom symptoms can include: difficulty with time management, disorganization, feeling overwhelmed, history of anxiety and depression, difficulty with money management. (WebMD)
If you are looking for some simple tips and tricks from an ADHD mom herself, then keep reading. Some of my tips might help you too, and as an added BONUS there is a FREE digital download template planner.
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1. ADHD Mom Burnout Tip: Unmasking – Accepting the ADHD diagnosis
Being able to accept the ADHD diagnosis is the KEY to everything else. We can’t make changes if we don’t acknowledge that there is something that needs to change.
"Failure to identify ADHD as an explanation for their lived experiences can lead to self-stigma and poor self-concept, which can further contribute to the development of depression and, in some cases, suicidal thoughts and behaviours" (Chronis-Tuscano)
With acceptance and understanding what ADHD in adult women and girls looks like, you will be able to make the accommodations that YOU need.
Accommodations are there to make things easier for you. If you can’t see well, you use glasses, right? It’s the same here. You are not lazy, you need help and strategies that work for you.
For YEARS I lived with the motto: “just suck it up and keep going” (internalized ableism), but that was before I realized I was AuADHD (autistic & ADHD). Now I have accommodations in place in order to make my every day more manageable.
It feels horrible and exhausting to constantly try to fit in when you know there is something going on. But, once you reach acceptance, you can start making space for yourself and your needs.
I’ll ask: Do you know who you are? or have you been in people pleasing mode for so long that you no longer know who you are. You are NOT alone in this.
It’s about finding your “authentic self”.
2. ADHD Mom Burnout Tip: Overstimulation – Fighting The Rage.
You can be overstimulated from several things.
It could be from the noise around you, for example: the Tv on for the kids, you are on your phone, someone is talking to you, and the dog is barking. It’s just too many things all at once.
Noise cancelling is the way to go and there are two options:
1. Tech wise: Overhead Noise Canceling Headphones are an excellent option. They do a great job blocking out outside noise, have a long battery life, and are comfortable to wear. What more can you ask for?
But if you prefer a more discrete in-ear look, then the Echo Buds with Active Noise Cancellation may be a better fit.
2. No-tech in ear alternative: the Loop Quiet or the Loop Engage are excellent options. These are more along the line of an ear plug, but the benefit is that you do not need to charge them, they are tiny, and feel weightless.
3. ADHD Mom Burnout Tip: Organization – Overcoming The Chaos
This part can be broken down into a few segments, because the lack of organization is not only related to time and schedules. Let’s not forget the “doom piles” you may have all over your house.
What are Doom Piles?
Ok, for those that are new to this concept, or maybe your simply not aware of the term ( I wasn’t ) doom piles are those piles of objects you have randomly around your house.
It could be a chair with a stack of clothes, or a corner of the room with a pile of clothes, books, or random stuff that is simply going to sit there until it basically biodegrades.
How to fix the problem?
Decluttering! Start throwing away, donating, gifting stuff you DO NOT NEED anymore. If you are like me, you might have things you’ve NEVER used, used once, or forgot existed.
If you don’t declutter you are basically playing Tetris (I’m an 80’s baby) with your stuff. You are giving yourself the task of moving your doom pile to the laundry room, washing it, and then it will eventually become a doom pile again. It’s endless. And, worst of all…. it’s exhausting!
Give yourself the gift of peace. Declutter.
Now, with the stuff you do decide to keep. Find a place for it. This can be by getting shelves, bookcases, or bins.
If you need some help getting started, here are some of my suggestions:
1. A Label Maker is a great help, especially when you are storing things in non-clear storage bins. With a quick read you will be able to know whats inside and not waste your time opening a million storage containers.
2. Storage containers. I recommend the clear ones, simply because you can see whats inside. Makes my life easier. But if you are going for a particular aesthetic look, get whatever you want and simply use the label maker. A win-win.
3. Cube Storage Organizers are great for closet organization and trying to avoid a pile buildup. And the best part is that you can adjust the amount of cubes according to the space you have available.
4. Shoe Storage Boxes, because how many pairs of shoes do you own? If you are like me, it’s definitely more than two. And, no one likes having crushed shoes that are twisted like a pretzel and have lost their shape.
5. Keep your daily used shoes in a Storage Bench. It will make your life SO much easier, and keep your entry way looking clutter free.
6. Having a Coat Rack in your room is a great way to avoid the dreaded clothes pile on the chair. For all the clothes that have been lightly worn (not clean but not dirty either), just hang them on the coat rack. This way you avoid feeding the pile, and are able to see what your choices are instead of having to go scavenger hunting.
Pro tip: A quick and free way to get the motivation you need to clean your house if by inviting someone over. There is NOTHING that will get me to clean my house faster than the idea of a guest coming over.
Time Management – Schedules.
Schedules are a life saver.
You have to understand that with ADHD time management is going to be affected. This is why schedules are important. They are there to assist you in being able to stay on track and get things done.
Another benefit of using calendars – planners – alarms. You free some brains space and aren’t constantly thinking about it. It’s some relief for your mind, thats working 24-7 all the time.
Is it easy? No.
Is it always going to work? No
But, will it improve your quality of life? Absolutely.
Here is a Weekly & Monthly Life Planner that you will love!
Once you get the hang of it, scheduling and routine are going to a whole 180 change in your life.
If you are more of a tech girly, digital planners would be a greta fit.
I wrote about the use of my Magnetic Dry Erase Calendar in this post (read here). I love being able to use different colors (dopamine rush) and making things look cute. It’s the only way I’ll look at it and pay attention.
For those that use iPhone – apple watch – mac, sync it all! Have different calendars for each human in your household, color coordinate them, and you are good to go. Youtube – University is an excellent place to learn how to do all this.
4. ADHD Mom Burnout Tip: Finding Things
Another thing with ADHD is object permanence. This means, if I don’t see the object, it doesn’t exist.
A few simple life examples.
1. Taking medication – Vitamins. Not only do I forget to take them, sometimes I don’t remember if I took them! Getting a Pill Organizer has been a game changer for me. Sometimes you just have to embrace the granny lifestyle. lol.
2. Another key thing is having a designated place for things. Especially your keys, wallet, and glasses. I can’t tell you the amount of times A DAY I would misplace my things. Apple AirTags are VERY useful.
3. AirTag Keychains are also great for finding your keys.
It is EXTREMELY frustrating when you can’t find something, especially when you are in a rush. It’s about understanding your particular situation and putting in the strategies that will make your life easier.
5. ADHD Mom Burnout Tip: Fighting Dehydration & Hunger
Nothing will drive you quicker into a rage and burnout than being undernourished and dehydrated (and overstimulated). There is a reason people use the word HANGRY. And, I’m sure you’ve experienced it more than once in your life.
If your brain is working on empty, how do you expect to NOT be dealing with burnout?
Fighting Dehydration
Tumblers are a great way to fight dehydration. And if it’s a cute one, it just makes everything easier, right? 🙂 I wrote a post with some gift ideas on dealing with this issue (read here). It all comes down to having what you need where you can see it, and close to you.
If you have to go to the kitchen for a glass of water, odds are you wont do it, and then you’ll forget that you didn’t drink water, and soon you will start to feel tiered, sluggish, and overwhelmed.
Pro tip: have multiple tumblers. I have one for my coffee (keeps it warm for HOURS…. because I forget to drink it), one for my water, and one for a juice or whatever shake I may be into at that moment. And have them ALL with you on your desk 🙂 So you can choose your sips according to your mood.
Fighting Hunger
The same rules apply to food. You need to have it WITH you to remember to eat. It has to be easy, bite size (because sometimes there is no time for a full meal), and able to go with me.
For these situations, Food Storage Containers can be a great solution. Just add your favorite snack inside an go. It can be some fruit, some overnight oats, cheese-ham combo, anything!
It all comes down to what you put in your body are the results you are going to get. If you drive a car on empty, there is only so far you are going to get before it breaks down. You are that car. So, I’ll ask… How are you treating yourself?
The best thing is to apply realistic and attainable goals, minimizing the feeling of guilt and failure.
If you aren’t one of those hydration girlies that drink a million cups a day, aim for 2 cups and work your way up.
REALISTIC GOALS and remember to set an alarm on your phone, this also helps.
6. ADHD Mom Burnout Tip: Boundaries – Good Fences Make Good Neighbors.
Easier said than done? 100%
When someone in the family has ADHD, accommodations need to become a group effort. You wouldn’t take away someones glasses and tell them to simply try harder. The same goes for you.
If you have noise sensitivity, use earplugs. Light sensitivity, sunglasses. If a family gathering is too overwhelming, let them know you are staying for a designated amount of time. And, so on.
It is highly likely that disorders marked by inconsistency of performance, like ADHD, can fuel harsh castigation – perhaps because of the belief that insufficient effort is the underlying cause. Furthermore, for girls and women, traditionally valued for social skills and cohesion, interpersonal difficulties related to ADHD may be particularly stigmatized (e.g., Blachman & Hinshaw, 2002).
This is something that those around you need to understand and respect. You are not lazy, weak, or being dramatic. You have ADHD.
Therefore, overextending yourself and not getting the help you need tends to result in burnout.
Placing strategies and having those around you be aware of them is a great way to prevent ADHD mom burnout.
7. Bonus: Free Digital Download Planner Template
Here is a PDF ready to print with a daily, weekly, and monthly planner template you can use along with a meal planner and habit tracker. It’s all undated so you can print as many copies as you need! Hope you enjoy!
Other posts you may like:
5 IDEAL GIFTS FOR AN AUTISM MOM THAT SHE WILL LOVE
Works Cited:
- ADHD in Women. WebMD. Shishira Sreenivas
- ADHD in girls and women: a call to action – reflections on Hinshaw et al. (2021). Andrea Chronis-Tuscano. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry 63:4 (2022), pp 497–499.
- Symptoms of ADHD in Women and Girls. (CHADD) Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.
- Annual Research Review: Attention-deficit/ hyperactivity disorder in girls and women: underrepresentation, longitudinal processes, and key directions. Stephen P. Hinshaw,1,2 Phuc T. Nguyen,1 Sinclaire M. O’Grady,1 and Emily A. Rosenthal. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry **:* (2021), pp **–**
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