Who here has felt Autism Mom Burnout? I can say with my whole chest that I’ve been there and I’m sure I’ll be there again because taking care of an autistic child is NOT easy!
We all know that being a mom is a full-time job, and when you add the unique challenges of raising a child with autism, it can feel like you’re juggling a thousand balls at once.
Forget needing a village, sometimes I feel I need a whole state or country.
It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day responsibilities and forget about one very important person—you! Me, US!
This article is all about why self-care is crucial for us autism moms and how it can make a world of difference, not just for us but for our families and our little ones too. So, grab a cup of tea (or ice coffee), sit back, and let’s dive in.
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Understanding Self-Care
What Is Self-Care?
Self-care is more than just bubble baths and spa days (although those are great too! don’t get me wrong).
It’s about taking intentional actions to maintain and improve our health and well-being. The key being intentional.
There is a purpose to why you are doing it, and not just something you do automatically and with no thought.
This can be physical, emotional, mental, and social.
Think of it as filling up your own cup so you can pour into others.
The Role of Self-Care in Caregiving
As caregivers, our well-being directly impacts the quality of care we provide. When we’re running on empty, it’s hard to be patient, kind, and effective in our roles.
Previous research on stress among parents of children with disabilities has found that overall, parents of children with disabilities experience clinically significant levels of stress compared to parents of typically-developing children (Hayes & Watson)
I know I can get ZERO patient and it’s just not a good look. Thats usually my first sign I need to do something.
So, self-care isn’t just a luxury; it’s a necessity.
The Challenges of Being an Autism Mom
Unique Stressors for Autism Moms
Raising an autistic child comes with its own set of challenges.
From navigating never ending medical appointments to get a diagnosis and then managing constant therapy appointments, the daily grind can be overwhelming.
And if on top of that you have to battle family and friends comments, suggestions, recommendations, and “solutions/cures” it can be exhausting.
I remember one particularly tough week when it just seemed like everyone had a suggestion on what was best for MY child instead of listening to what I was saying. By Friday I was exhausted and emotionally drained. It was a wake-up call that I needed to take better care of myself to be the best mom I could be.
And to start setting some HARD boundaries with people.
Balancing Multiple Roles
We’re not just autism moms; we’re also wives, employees, friends, and more.
Balancing these roles can feel impossible at times.
We often put our needs last, thinking we’ll get to them later, but “later” rarely comes.
And what do we end up with?
Yup, burnout, which benefits no one.
The Importance of Self-Care for Autism Moms
1. Preventing Burnout
Burnout is a real risk for autism moms.
“Extensive research has found that parents of children with ASD often experience elevated levels of stress, depression and anxiety, as compared to parents of typically developing children.” (Hodge et al, 2011)
This includes emotional exhaustion, physical fatigue, and a decreased ability to cope.
“Perceived social support, psychological resilience, religious beliefs, effective coping skills, and participation in parental support groups may play a role in protecting parental mental health and wellbeing of caregivers of autistic children.” (Alibekova et al , 2022)
Self-care practices can help prevent this by replenishing our energy and resilience.
2. Improving Mental and Emotional Health
Taking time for self-care can have a profound impact on our mental and emotional well-being.
And this includes tackling some of our biggest stressors, for example: dealing with other people and the constant advocating that comes with having an autistic child.
“Training in effective communication styles and assertiveness. These skills are especially relevant in caregivers of people with ASD, taking into account that they are constantly in contact with educational, health, and other public services due to their caring role.” (Read more)
Whether it’s being better prepared for the constant advocating, practicing mindfulness, engaging in a hobby, or simply taking a break, these activities can help us manage stress and improve our mood.
3. Enhancing Physical Health
The physical demands of caregiving can take a toll on our bodies.
Regular self-care, such as exercise, healthy eating, and sufficient sleep, can help us stay physically healthy and energized.
I used to skip meals and rely on ice-coffee to get through the day until I realized how much it was affecting my energy levels and overall health.
Now, I make sure to mainly eat balanced meals and try get regular exercise, which has made a huge difference.
But again, give yourself grace.
Some days you just have to get through it and it may not look ideal but tomorrow is a new day.
4. Strengthening Relationships
When we take care of ourselves, we’re better able to take care of our families.
“Some of these studies indicate that parents of children with a disability have an increased risk of divorce as compared to parents of children without a disability.” (Read more)
If this is you, know you are not alone. Many women end up being single mothers (or worst…. married-single mothers) when their child starts to show symptoms related to autism.
Your village may look different from mine, or maybe you may be looking for a village and are currently doing everything on your own. But, to get one you must first take care of yourself.
Taking time for ourselves allows us to be more present, patient, and supportive in our relationships.
Practical Self-Care Tips for Autism Moms
1. Physical Self-Care
Prioritizing Sleep and Rest Is A Group Effort
Make sure you’re getting enough sleep.
It’s easier said than done, but even small changes can make a big difference.
Many people may suggest creating a bedtime routine that helps you wind down and stick to a regular sleep schedule.
But when your an Autism Mom…. you may not have a schedule because your little one will wake up once or multiple times a night… or whats worst: wakes up and doesn’t go back to sleep!
I’ve been there. My son would decide to wake up at 2, 3, 4 am and that was it, no more sleep. He was up and ready to start the day.
So for my family what worked was team work and my village of 2 (my husband and I). We took turns staying up with him and naps in the day if it was possible to recharge. Thank goodness my husband can fall asleep in a moments notice.
It’s not easy, but we were lucky and our son eventually started sleeping through the night. But it took a good 5 years.
Something that helped my son sleep was a noise machine, like the Magicteam Sound Machine. The constant brown/white noise really helped. And I still use it to this day! blocks out all the noise and helps me sleep deeper and longer.
Incorporating Exercise and Healthy Eating
Exercise releases endorphins that boost your mood and energy.
And we could all use some of that, but between taking our kids to therapy and the lack of sleep, keeping a healthy lifestyle can be hard.
Find an exercise routine that you enjoy, whether it’s yoga, walking, or dancing.
Even if it’s just 15 minutes, it makes a difference.
A simple thing I do is put on a song or two and just start dancing and jumping around. This immediately changes my mood.
I can’t change my circumstances but I can make space for pockets of joy that give me energy.
Also, aim for a balanced diet. Healthy eating can improve your energy levels and overall well-being.
A good solution is to meal prep but I also keep snacks in the car for those days that I’m just go go go and forget everything. I also keep snacks in my purse, and in my sons backpack just in case.
It’s a quick fix and will get you by until you can get something “healthier”.
Snack bars are a great options. They don’t need refrigeration and are lightweight and basically mess proof. Nature’s Bakery Whole Wheat Fig Bars is a go-to option for me personally.
2. Emotional and Mental Self-Care
Practicing Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques
Mindfulness and relaxation exercises can help reduce stress and improve emotional health.
Apps like Headspace or Calm can guide you through meditation practices that fit into a busy schedule.
Listening to music is another great way to help reduce stress.
I even use music to help my son develop language. Since he is a Gestalt Language Processor, he loves songs and repeating parts of songs. So we just play some of his favorite toons and start dancing. It’s a great way to connect and get some energy out.
Seeking Professional Support
As a therapist myself, don’t hesitate to tell people to seek help from a therapist or counselor if/when you need it.
They can provide strategies for managing stress and emotional challenges. It’s always good to have a safe space where one can talk about everything thats going and seek tools to help.
Google is a great way to find therapist near you.
3. Social Self-Care
Connecting with Support Groups and Other Autism Moms:
I got so much information from apps like TikTok and Instagram.
Learning from other moms with autistic children and from autistic adults who share what their childhoods were is a great way to learn some tips and tricks that maybe I didn’t think about.
I especially use it for learnign about resources and outings for my kids.
But it’s also comforting and validating hearing other moms who are going through the same thing.
That understand what it’s like to have a child watch the same movie a million times or have safe foods and refuse to eat anything else.
Moms that simply “get it” and we don’t feel judge or that we have to explain our kids behaviors.
These connections can be incredibly validating and comforting.
Setting Boundaries and Asking for Help:
It’s okay to ask for help and set boundaries.
We can’t do everything ourselves and sometimes there are friends and family that want to help but they don’t know how. So give them a chance.
Maybe they can help you with grocery shopping for you, or help with things around the house if they are not able to watch your child.
Setting boundaries is a MUST. Not only for your kids but for your mental health.
I had to set boundaries with my family and my husbands side of the family.
I no longer receive “advice, suggestions, and/or solutions” about my sons dietary choices or things he “should do”.
He is autistic, if he doesn’t want to sit during dinner time thats fine, as long as he eats. If he doesn’t want to give a family member a hug, thats fine too.
We are doing the best we can for our children. And if others don’t understand that, they can’t be around to disrupt our peace.
4. Hobbies and Interests
Finding and Pursuing Personal Hobbies and Interests:
Rediscover activities you love.
As moms we tend to leave those things that we loved – before having children – and getting back into it is a good way to reduce stress and avoid burnout.
Whether it’s reading, crafting, or gardening, engaging in hobbies can provide a much-needed break and a sense of accomplishment.
I personally don’t have a lot of free time. So I just “micro dose” my hobbies. A little bit of gardening, with reading, with blogging, and TikTok. It also has to do with the fact that I have ADHD.
This is what works for me, and that’s the key here. It’s about adapting and implementing what works for you with your schedule, possibilities, interest, and lifestyle. What works for me may not work for you, but they are more of a guide and suggestion.
Scheduling Regular “Me Time”
Set aside time each week for yourself.
This is easier said than done, especially if you don’t have a village.
But like I said, I have a village of two, and so when my husband can take over I am OUT! (In the best way).
Even a short period of uninterrupted time can help recharge your batteries and keep you grounded.
For me: it can be going to get something from the store. Something cute for the house (dopamine decore) or to wear (dopamine dressing). Who doesn’t enjoy a cute mug or dress? Or, it’s walking around the gardening section at Home Depot looking for something to take home.
Overcoming Barriers to Self-Care
1. Common Barriers
Guilt and Feeling Selfish
Many of us feel guilty taking time for ourselves, thinking it’s selfish.
However, self-care is essential for being the best caregiver you can be.
Remember, taking care of yourself means you’re better equipped to take care of your child.
If I’m tiered and stressed all the time my kids feel that energy. And it’s not going to help connect with them or be able to give them a “happy home”.
So the “happy wife, happy life” applies here as well…. “Happy mom, happy life”
Lack of Time and Resources
Finding time for self-care can be challenging.
Look for small pockets of time throughout the day and be creative with your self-care activities.
Utilize community resources and affordable options to support your self-care routine.
In my area Home Depot has a free activity for kids every first Saturday of each month. The library has a story time with arts and crafts that they love, also free. And those are pockets of time I can sit back and rest a bit & enjoy my iced coffee.
2. Strategies to Overcome Barriers
Reframing Self-Care as Essential, Not Selfish
Change your mindset about self-care.
It’s not a luxury; it’s a necessity for your well-being and your family’s.
Think of it as putting on your oxygen mask first so you can help others.
If I take my sons therapies as a priorities, then my self care also has to be one. Because it also has an impact on his development. And so I have to make time for “me time” as well.
Time Management Tips for Busy Moms
Use tools like planners or apps to schedule your day and prioritize self-care.
Break tasks into manageable chunks and set realistic goals. This is KEY!
FREE Download Printable Planner
Here is a FREE printable planner template you can use to help keep you organized. It even includes a meal planner so you can get your weekly meal schedule on track.
Don’t worry, everything is undated. so you can print as many as you need.
Affordable Self-Care Options and Community Resources
Look for free or low-cost self-care options, such as community classes, online resources, or local support groups. There are many ways to practice self-care without breaking the bank.
You can learn almost anything on Youtube, I use it for learning new meal options so I can move away from a cooking rut. It’s also a great place to find Pilates classes to do at home.
To Summarize
Autism Mom Burnout is a real thing.
This is why self-care is crucial for us autism moms. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s essential for you and your family.
What we go through is not easy and it’s not just for a few days…. it’s a lifetime. So take it as slow and steady wins the race.
A little self-love every day goes a LONG way and everyone feels it.
Sending you a Biiiig Hug!!
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